I wannas sexs uuuuu
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Randomize
