FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
