If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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