I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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