For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
