I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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