you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How does one acquire holy water?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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