How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
