Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize