If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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