i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
