Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
