Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
