what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
