I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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