But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
only you would photoshop your dick
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
