the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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