She's JV to your varsity
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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