Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
