Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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