I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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