How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm too high and old for this...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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