I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
