Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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