Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I could fuck to npr.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
