The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
