dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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