About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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