Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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