was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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