My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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