My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
