i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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