The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize