I CAN MOONWALK!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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