he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
