yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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