Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
