I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
