i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
we're making bets on your personal life
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
