You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
