I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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