hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
