I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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