walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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