Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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