this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize