My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
