She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
