Come see our sink grown plant.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
