only you would photoshop your dick
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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