Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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