I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
