Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
