I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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