How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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