so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize