i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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