I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
