I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
