hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
