It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
