It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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