hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
