I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
