totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
