he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well I just put wine in my tea
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
