Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
